“How to write an effective business email when the recipient does not speak English.”
This new post (title above) on Linkedin gives 10 pieces of advice on the subject. Advice Tidbit No. 8, below and verbatim, is particularly intriguing, given the title and subject matter of the post.“Where possible, send the letter or email in the recipient’s native language. This shows that you respect and care for their language and culture. Using the recipient’s native language will usually be accepted very positively and will usually reduce cultural gaps or potential misunderstandings.” I guess that’s savvy advice, given that THE RECIPIENT DOES NOT SPEAK ENGLISH.
My best guess is that serious dating occasions may begin to arise for my daughter in about nine months to a year. So it’s best to get things clear right up front.
THE 10 RULES
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate; when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early”.
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka — zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies that feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car — there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
(Thanks to my friend and fellow parent Dan, who has not one but two daughters approaching the perilous age.)
(Click the link below & then click on the Xmas tree picture to view the animated card. Please have your sound turned up on your computer).
Season’s Greetings to you all!
I use GoogleVoice, which captures voicemails left at my GoogleVoice phone number, and sends a transcription (computer generated) of the Voicemail to my email inbox (plus the actual audio file).
Do you have a Blackberry? Do you use it when you're in the car (maybe stuck in traffic and not really moving fast)???? Come on, I know some of you do. And what about your kids?This recent British PSA (or something similar) couldn't be shown on American TV, I'm sure: realistic violence is fine here, but not if it gets in the way of hand-held electronics sales. Take a minute or two to watch, and remember: talking on the phone is pretty much just as dangerous as texting.
Although a recent (and welcome) phenomenon in the USA, public toilets and urinals have been a fixture in many European countries for many decades. When WW I broke out in 1914, there were over 4000 pissoirs on the streets of Paris, for example.But the USA is catching up, and being a technologically innovative country, we've come up with some interesting examples, such as this public toilet in Houston, Texas. It boasts a sleek mirrored-glass exterior that reflects the surroundings and thus does not draw attention to itself. The surprise comes after you step inside. This public toilet requires an enormous act of faith on the part of the user, because the walls, although indeed made of mirrored glass, happen to be ONE-WAY mirrors, giving the user this startling view from inside: My guess is that it takes a very confident man or woman to use this facility ??? or an exhibitionist. And it certainly proves that some Industrial Designer has a sharp sense of humor.
From 2001 through fiscal 2006, the US Congress appropriated $76 billion for operations in Afghanistan. That's over $15 billion a year, an amount that has now been seen as insufficient.
2) We could round it up to a nice even $20 or $25 billion a year in cash and just hand it over to the populace, after first making them recite the Pledge of Allegiance and cross their hearts and hope to die if they do anything bad. Additionally, a special "Cash for Guns" program could be offered to the hard-core Taliban, similar to those put in place in some crime-ridden US inner cities.Instead of 30,000 extra US troops being sent, we could then hire only a few hundred out-of-work corporate Comptrollers to disburse the money evenly (Jobs too!!!), with another few hundred Blackwater tough guys to protect the cash itself. Further savings in money and lives could be realized by parachuting in a few thousand fully-loaded Coke machines around the countryside, and setting up several hundred McDonald's franchises. Not only would the profits come back to the USA, but after a couple of years, the Taliban would be so obese and lethargic, they wouldn't even be able to lift an RPG launcher, let alone have the motivation to fire one. Phase 3 might involve endless reruns of "Family Guy" and "That 70s Show" to be shown on Afghan television, to complete the "Hearts and Minds" portion of the pacification process. Eventually, the entire operation could be handed off to The Walt Disney Company: the name "Afghanisland" has a nice ring to it.??
This, from Joel Veitch, founder of www.RatherGood.com, a British humor and oddity Web site that I happen to like. The brilliant thing here is that Joel also gives you a concise yet exhaustive (some would say "scraping-the bottom-of-the-barrel") r??sum?? in his signature.And the Pork Butchery Course leaves you wanting more.???
- Joel Veitch
- Founder of rathergood.com
- Member of the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences
- Winner of 3 Webby Awards
- Master of Arts (Electronic Media) Oxford Brookes
- Bachelor of Arts (English and History) University of Leeds
- Marksman (.22, 5.56, 7.62, LMG)
- Former Sixer of Grey Six, 19th Forest Hill Cub Scouts
- Former Member of MGS school cricket team
- Former Sergeant, Combined Cadet Force (RAF Section)
- Silver Swimming Badge
- 3rd best Cross Country runner in my class at age 12
- Once had a letter published in the New Scientist
- Attended one-night Pork Butchery Course
(Bullet Points were added by me, to make HR Dept. readers more comfortable.)
This music video finally explains her unique appeal.???