Monthly Archives: November, 2010

Word of the Day

Witzelsucht


Who knew Wikipedia could be so straight-faced when ending an entry with a bir of levity? 

Witzelsucht, from the German witzeln, meaning to joke or wisecrack, and sucht meaning addiction or yearning, is a set of rare neurological symptoms characterized by the patient’s uncontrollable tendency to make puns, tell inappropriate jokes and pointless or irrelevant stories at inconvenient moments. The patient nevertheless finds these utterances intensely amusing. It is associated with small lesions of the orbitofrontal cortex.[1]

 It is distinguished from pathologic laughing by virtue of congruent affective experience and expression, and an admixture of irritability and mirth. It is most commonly seen in patients with frontal lobe disease or injury, particularly right frontal lobe tumors or trauma. Elderly people are very pron to this disorder because of the decreased mass of their gray tissue, for instance the stereotype of the wise-cracking grandfather may have originated from as it became a comon part of every day life. Larry king is said to have this disorder but refuses to be tested.  [Italics mine]

Quick show of hands: who knows someone with this unfortunate yet very annoying disorder? 

 

Thanks to NPR’s radio show Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me! Sunday, Nove 21, 2010, and to Wikipedia.org

 [1] Mendez, M.D., Ph.D, Mario F (2005). Moria and Witzelsucht from Frontotemporal Dementia. The Journal of Neuropsychiatry and clinical neurosciences.

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Why do I even bother?

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???Today I received an automated email from Twitter about a new follower. As I almost ???always do, I went to his page to see if I wanted to follow back. His reason for being on Twitter was clearly business, and his tweets were repetitive (about digital broadband), but I thought I’d click on his link anyway, which took me to his blog. I wanted to see what he had to say about Satellite vs. Broadband, but got a page of—well, hard to describe writing. I offer the final paragraph of his post, quoted verbatim, as an example: 

“Broadband internet access provides the sincere of way in place of our processor needs and wants. Processes in haste amendment on the internet and skillful minds persist innovating and inventing with productive advances, and stretch the limits of services and cyber solutions. Furnish your humankind with the nearly everyone efficient and fastest netting user-friendliness, and skillful velocity to you in the same way as you join two billion online internet users.” 

I now mourn my lost opportunities to have passed mash notes to cute girls in High School English class, having wasted my time instead paying attention to the teacher. The result is, I learned all about how to construct a subjunctive clause rather than how to un-hook a bra with one hand. 

Clearly, I lost sight of priorities: decades later, the cutting-edge blogger quoted above has 7,800 followers, all of whom are evidently dying to read more about furnishing their humankind with skillful velocity. 

When Dogs Pray

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To: God

From: The Dog??

Dear God:?? Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God:?? When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God:?? Why are there cars named after the Jaguar, the Cougar, the ustang, the Colt, the Stingray, and the Rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God:?? If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a Bad Dog?

Dear God: Dogs can understand:??

  • Human verbal instructions???
  • Hand signals?????
  • Whistles, horns, clickers and beepers???
  • Scent IDs???
  • Electromagnetic energy fields, and
  • Frisbee flight paths.??
What do humans understand?

Dear God:?? More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God:?? Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God:?? Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a Good Dog.??

  1. I will not eat the cat's food before she eats it or after he throws it up.
  2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, poop, etc., just because I like the smell.??
  3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
  4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
  5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
  6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
  7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
  8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table
  9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house – not after.
  10. I will not come indoors from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
  11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
  12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy', so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S.?? Dear God: When I get to Heaven, may I have my testicles back???

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