When Dogs Pray

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To: God

From: The Dog??

Dear God:?? Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God:?? When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God:?? Why are there cars named after the Jaguar, the Cougar, the ustang, the Colt, the Stingray, and the Rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God:?? If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a Bad Dog?

Dear God: Dogs can understand:??

  • Human verbal instructions???
  • Hand signals?????
  • Whistles, horns, clickers and beepers???
  • Scent IDs???
  • Electromagnetic energy fields, and
  • Frisbee flight paths.??
What do humans understand?

Dear God:?? More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God:?? Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God:?? Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a Good Dog.??

  1. I will not eat the cat's food before she eats it or after he throws it up.
  2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, poop, etc., just because I like the smell.??
  3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
  4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
  5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
  6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
  7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
  8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table
  9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house – not after.
  10. I will not come indoors from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
  11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
  12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy', so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S.?? Dear God: When I get to Heaven, may I have my testicles back???

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