Why do I even bother?

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???Today I received an automated email from Twitter about a new follower. As I almost ???always do, I went to his page to see if I wanted to follow back. His reason for being on Twitter was clearly business, and his tweets were repetitive (about digital broadband), but I thought I’d click on his link anyway, which took me to his blog. I wanted to see what he had to say about Satellite vs. Broadband, but got a page of—well, hard to describe writing. I offer the final paragraph of his post, quoted verbatim, as an example: 

“Broadband internet access provides the sincere of way in place of our processor needs and wants. Processes in haste amendment on the internet and skillful minds persist innovating and inventing with productive advances, and stretch the limits of services and cyber solutions. Furnish your humankind with the nearly everyone efficient and fastest netting user-friendliness, and skillful velocity to you in the same way as you join two billion online internet users.” 

I now mourn my lost opportunities to have passed mash notes to cute girls in High School English class, having wasted my time instead paying attention to the teacher. The result is, I learned all about how to construct a subjunctive clause rather than how to un-hook a bra with one hand. 

Clearly, I lost sight of priorities: decades later, the cutting-edge blogger quoted above has 7,800 followers, all of whom are evidently dying to read more about furnishing their humankind with skillful velocity. 

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4 responses

  1. encourages his friends" "Furnish your humankind with skillful velocity!"

  2. Lorem Ipsum of a slightly different kind…

  3. DanOnymity: could not have said it better. Lorem Ipsum. The "writer" is someone for whom English is a second language (or no language at all) who has copied and pasted buzzwords for SEO purposes.

  4. @Joel Postman ??? In the writer’s case, SEO stands for "Some English Ornamentation???

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